Archives for posts with tag: self help

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Getting Along with Others
By: Lone Heron
Author of Inherited Rage-available at amazon.com

Getting along with others seems to be a real challenge for many, including myself.. I like the ideal of getting along with others but it doesn’t always seem to work out to well. I say that because if you aren’t agreeing with them,you probably aren’t going to get along with them. You can try, but likely you will keep getting hung up on that same old disagreeable snag. Or at least that seems to have been my personal experience. I can agree to disagree, but I seem to have difficulty sitting silently by and keeping my mouth shut! It’s really quite ironic when you consider I spent the first twenty years of my life keeping my mouth shut -fear is a powerful motivator – i guess II have made up for it the last twenty years of my life and now I find myself reverting back to being a quieter, less volunteering person- what’s the point when no one hears or remembers?

What’s the point of asking when the people you have asked have proven time and again they don’t really care about what’s up with you because their drama is soooooo much more important…
We all have people like this in our lives and even when we take time out to focus and try to help them, they don’t really appreciate it. They take everything you have to give and then want more but they don’t want to reciprocate anything to feed the flow of energy. Oh no- to get these people to do anything to help you is about as difficult as freezing water in hell.

You can ask nicely, bargain, offer a fair trade, beg, cajole, pester, annoy and they just smile agree and then ignore- or pretend the conversation never occurred. But these hese same people won’t blink an eye in hesitation the next time they see you before they launch into what they need from you. These people are I have decided evil and insincere friends. Sincere friends want to help. They offer their help and actually follow through instead of just talking about it.

I think the time has come to weed my garden of insincere friends- those who will take my help all day long- those who feel no qualms to ask of me whatever they like with no thought of reciprocation- it reminds me of what the nazis did to the Jewish, and of what a parricide parent does to create a parricide child.

The give and take energy is out of balance- take take take- more more more- it’s all over the place in our society and until we learn how to draw hard boundaries it will continue to be picked up by group after group to try and succeed where prior groups have failed- the trail will be followed by many until enough realize and consciously divert the heard by drawing boundaries and choosing how they engage,instead of wasting energy helping others who do not reciprocate and who do not reinvest the energy wisely given them by those who helped them. ” Waste not, want not ” – ageless wisdom. Yet so many of us seem to forget this, we waste and squander and then look for someone else to refill the proverbial gas tank. The proverbial gas tank is filled when others pay attention to us. The quality of attention could be comparable to the quality of fuel in your vehicle.
If the gas has been contaminated your car won’t run as smoothly. If the person listening to you can’t tell you what you said 5 min after your conversation was over because they interrupted to tell you something about a totally different subject – well all the energy you spent on that particular conversation was wasted. And without reciprocal energy investment you end up feeling drained and empty. It’s just part of the cycle of life- checks and balances that need to occur in order to maintain harmony- makes since when you apply it to your checking account – but many never apply that thought to their time. If more considered it I bet I could get along with those people a whole lot better.

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Change -“GangLand”
By: Lone Heron

Change is something we all need and at the same time something many of us dread. We hate change as a general. We are creatures of habit. If it were good enough for us, our parents will say, its good enough for you to. There is a lot of truth in that and it would be fine if things were still happening the way they were a zillion years ago, But things have changed, times have changed.
you don’t need to go to town once a week anymore to find out whats going on. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a television, someone will call you on the telephone and if you don’t have a telephone as a last resort they will do it the old fashioned way and come to your door and tell you if it is important enough. Theres one thing that will never change and thats gossip! Everybody has and opinion even if its borrowed.

People fight for change while they fight against it. Change is truly the only constant and yet we fight it every inch of the way. We try to control instead of go with the flow. Each of us has our all important agenda and we all think we are right, at least initially…..

Over the past several weeks I have been watching a documentary series on gangs provided by the History channel and delivered through Netflix. The series “GangLand”, takes you into a variety of different gangs present and operating in our communities today. It shares the history and the background from which gangs arose and grew.

Hispanic, Irish, Italian, white, black, yellow and brown — The underdogs of all races have shown up to represent themselves. Many of the members who have risen in the gang order have military backgrounds. They all have codes of honor that if broken mean one thing – DEATH.

After watching two seasons of this series I can see the lure for someone who has been the bullied
I can see how one could end up in just such a situation. I could see the lure for a teenager one might not ever think was at risk. The kid from the broken home who lives down the street or the child born into the gang may never have a choice. They are programmed like all of us by the environment in which they live.

Gangs rise and fall but our current system of dealing with this violent underside of society does not work. Gang members often purposely commit the crime with the intention of doing the time and thereby showing there loyalty to the gang and thus raising their own status of power within the gang. Most of the highest operating members who lead and disperse orders are incarcerated yet continue to lead and give orders maintaining business as usual despite being isolated from other inmates and gang members.

Racism is rampant in gang’s and all that enter know that there are only two ways out prison or death. Members are beat in meaning they are beat by other members for a period of time ranging from thirty seconds to six minutes- recruits have been known to die in the beat in initiation process. I learned a lot by watching the series. I learned what the graffiti tags ( spray painted marks that indicate gang territory) down the street from my house indicate. I think I won’t dally in those zones now that I know what those marks mean. I don’t want to be a happen stance victim just because they live next door.

I think there is no simple answer to resolving the issues that grow from these elements of society.
After watching more than eighteen hours of gang documentary I do not think our current judicial systems way of dealing with these elements is not the answer. For many of these individuals jail time is not a deterrent but rather just another way to prove their loyalty to the gang. When these individuals join a gang it is by no light measure. If they break the codes they are killed. They live by a kill or be killed mentality and many show no remorse. When one of their leaders is killed there will be a momentary lull before another rises to take his place. In the meantime we the tax payers are paying to keep them. Prison is no less violent in many cases than the streets. Prisoners find ways to make weapons and use them on one another often only a few days before their release date just to stay in jail and rise in gang status.

Those who sign up for a life of living by a kill or be killed code will not stop until they die. If it is death they seek perhaps instead of incarceration those who have proven time and time and time again, those who flush second and third chances have not earned a fourth chance. Those who blatantly state that they don’t care to change their ways and have no remorse and will kill again should be given that which they obviously seek.

Change is the only constant. If we do not change our way of reformation the issues will only continue to increase. I personally think the only way to deal with a kill or be killed mentality is to destroy it. If new stricter laws were passed that moved these committed gang killers thru the death penalty system perhaps we would be doing them and everyone else a favor.

Which would you choose: Cock, Snake &; Dog or Prison for life?
By: Lone Heron
Author: Inherited Rage http://www.amazon.com
Www.survivingrage.wordress.com

Google it if you don’t believe me, Worst roman punishment- applicable to parricide- the kid killed the parents and the authorities of the day then took a rooster, a dog and a poisonous snake along with the child who committed the crime of parricide- put them in a sack – tied the opening shut and throw them all in the river! Talk about case closed, that would do it, or at least that was the end of that one particular case. But what about the hundreds of thousands of kids who would commit this same crime of self defense down the lines of history and evolution? What about the ones that our society has sentenced?

I personally do not believe the crime of parricide deserves any punishment. These kids paid for their “crime” long before the idea to kill ever came into their consciousness. These kids are not criminals- they do not attack people out of the blue and should not be compared to a kid who is in jail for a drive by shooting on a complete stranger. A parricide child’s defense of himself should no more be considered a crime than the 83 year old who shot an intruder in the dark.

I do believe these kids should be given therapy and sent to school and protected from falling into the realms of education by those who pursue criminal activity because everyone else they know is and its “cool” not because someone who has repeatedly hurt them finally got a well deserved dose of their own! Yes I am opinionated about this particular subject because I have lived it and in this case I happen to believe I probably know more about parricide than 95% of anybody. Now I may not know the laws like Paul Mones, I may not know the psychology like dr Heidii but I know what it takes to heal from these events and I know that these events do not occur because parricide kids are “bad” I know this because I am a parricide kid all grown up into a productive, valued and appreciated adult member of society. I know more about parricide than you can ever learn from a book or a theory or a study because I lived it and I can tell you it’s not the child you should fear, but rather what you teach the child. What you give is what you will get. I would guess most parricide children are indigos (you can google indigo children to learn more). Indigos are excellent mirrors- and they are also very sensitive. They are agents of change.

We need change in this world. We need education instead of argumentation, we need education instead of medication but we won’t receive these things until we choose them. Until that time we will continue to struggle with these same negative elements in society. We need cooperation, understanding and patience to turn our ships around. We need a desire to do better in order to get better and we must get involved however we can, there is plenty to do and everyone can do something.

You can throw the “problem” in a bag or lock it up in a cell but it won’t stop the event from happening again if you just keep on living like you always have. It took the events of parricide
And untold hours of healing time for me to come to this stage. Each step I made was a choice sometimes conscious and others totally directed by subconsciousness. We are all the same and only when we change ourselves from within will the reflection the world gives back change.

Fighting only brings more fighting. Imprisonment only brings more imprisonment, not just for those imprisoned but most especially for those who are paying for the imprisonment of others. Whatever you do to another you do to yourself. We often don’t think about things like that but it is true, it is not always either immediate or literal but it is always true with a twist we often cannot foresee.

I think a lot – many tell me I think to much- but we were given a brain for a reason- and it has been through thinking and education more than anything else that has fed my quest in finding peace within me. The more ok I become with me the more powerful I become at attracting good things in my life. The more I focus on those the better I do. I bring good things by doing good things and by not agreeing to let others do bad things to me and that includes hitting me or putting me at risk or degrading me verbally. We all choose or we choose not to make a choice and then someone else will choose for us. So I will continue to think about things like “justice” and ”
judgement” and I will continue to agree to disagree as I use my thoughts to sail me deeper and deeper into a state of satisfaction and contentment.

Thoughts are important- they are the beginning of every path created,
So….
THINK GOOD THOUGHTS
~ words become actions ~ actions become habits
~habits become character ~ character becomes destiny.

So no matter if you end up in the ditch in the cold mud or
On a sunny hill under the dappled shade of a great oak
You took yourself there by the choices you made first and
foremost in the thoughts you thought whether you were consciously aware or not.

As a society we passed judgement (1st strike)
And said “the wrongdoers must be punished” (2nd strike)
“let’s incarcerate them , then we will be safe” (3rd strike)
the worst of all is the lie we told ourselves (we will be safe),
We tricked ourselves and we are not safe- because now we have to work twice as hard
And the problem continues to occur while the debts continue to rise.

Perhaps one day we will learn to communicate & educate instead of fight and control
Until then well I would have to say the roman version was much more efficient and
If I had a to make the choice ~ prison or snake, dog, rooster – I personally would
sign up for the river ride with the critters. It would be a short ride.

Bullies
By: lone Heron

Have you ever noticed how bullies often seem to be angry people and they seem to like to pick on the underdogs until eventually one of two things happens either the underdog disappears or they explode and conquer the bully. If the underdog can avoid the bully he will but if he can’t, he gets his ass kicked til he figures how to fight back which is often just pure survival instinct.

Parricide kids grow up with bullies- I believe that bullies are produced because somewhere along the way they made a choice: stop being the underdog and become the bully. The hardass. The dominant being- having played both roles I can tell you neither is truly enjoyable but if there are only two choices I will dominate before I surrender to anothers domination. My preference however would be to operate on a level of communication and cooperation. Unfortunately not all others know how or are willing to interact on that level. For those people who I meet in life that want to dominate me I findI really only have two options:
1- find a way to stay away from them
2-be more powerful than they thus turning the table of domination back on them.

My first choice would be to move away – to put distance between, but what do you do when you cant distance yourself from the bully who continues to hurt you each time worse than the one before? What do you do when you try to get help and no one listens? What do you do when you are staring death in the face and know he’s coming for you if something does not change-
What do you do when the bully is on top of you, choking you and all you know is fear?

I think most of us would fight for our lives and that is ok as long as we don’t have to kill another to live? What part of a slow painful miserable death brought on by a long term bully masquerading as a parent does the legal system not get? Do the judges who sentence these individuals quietly carry quilt for some of the same issues from somewhere in their past? I do hope those judges who sentence do not have to live the parricide experience in their next life because of all of those they effectively bullied in this life by giving prison sentences to those who defended themselves.

I find It interesting, generally it seems the greater the external bully the greater the internal coward. I know when I stood facing my mother with the gun pointed at her for a moment her bully side completely disappeared and before me no longer stood the mighty controller who had ruled over me my entire life but a small frail coward – she raised her hands as if to stop me just as I had every time she hit me- but just like her I was no longer listening- my pain thresh-hold had exceeded it’s limit and I had no sense of rational reasonable thought, sympathy, empathy or even anger- just a sense of numb completion over shifting from bullied to bully. I wonder, what do those judges who sentence parricide victims to prison feel? I wonder, if those judges suddenly found themselves in the shoes of a parricide child in front of a society elected bully passing judgement if they too would freeze up in the spotlight.

The golden rule seems forgotten way to often, especially by so many who have been placed in positions of power by others. It’s very simple: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
It seems to me the root of so many of our problems stem from this If we spent a little more energy on looking out for one another instead of competing with one another, we would not have half the problems we do.

Consider how you can contribute, lend a helping hand – even if you think someone is just the biggest jerk in the world, it’s amazing how a kind hand, a warm smile, a thoughtful gesture can turn even the greatest bullies heart. I believe bullies are simply people who have not been treated nice and so sadly the only thing they have to share is what they know- what would the world look like if bullies could learn a different way? I believe it is possible to change and grow but it will take everyone stepping forward in themselves and striving to be a better human. It will require that hearts open and shields drop. It will require for us to love one another instead of bully one another. It seems so simple and yet we just can’t seem to master it.

What will it take to forgive one another? What will it take to stop the very violent patterns that course through our very blood? Violence only begets more violence and education is expensive but the cost of our stubborn ignorance is three times as high. Making more laws changes nothing, incarceration changes very little but education has the power to change everything.
So take a moment and try something new. Move away from the insanity of doing the same things over and over hoping for different results that will never come.

Salute to friendships
By: Lone Heron

I recently lost a friend of 25 years. A was my first real boss in a real office 25 plus years ago. She hired me as her administrative assistant. She was the regional director of the southern office of a major foreign exchange student program. The heiracrchy went: A: Regional Director, Myself: Regional Directors assistant, fifty coordinators, two hundred and fifty representatives and six to seven hundred foreign exchange students to be placed into american host families to experience the american way of life for a year.

A was only two years older than myself. She was a party girl and charasmatic. She was confident and in charge. She was everything we all wished we could be, or at least she seemed to be. She had it all, the job, the car, the corner office, the handsome talented fiancĂ©, the cool friends……. Ah, the cool friends didn’t turn out to be so cool when truth was finally told.

For eighteen months II worked happily as her assistant and then things started changing. There
was confusion where there had not been before -nothing seemed to be going right in the office, papers were lost, bills weren’t paid, those responsibilities were not my department, but i was blamed for the chaos. Nothing made sense. I was told the company was making cutbacks and i should look for another job, so I did. I found another job and moved on ….went back to school and entered an entirely different career but I stayed in touch with my former boss and over the years an odd friendship grew.

When I graduated massage school A became an infrequent visitor to my table, I met her husband and watched from a distance the process of the birth of two healthy boys and a miserable divorce.
I met her mother. I worked on the boys, I worked on her, and from time to time we would hang out , grill out, talk about the men in or out of our lives, work, and all those things that friends talk about.

Over the years A shared shattered pieces of her story- she allowed me to see her life through the windows of her memories and her pain. Parents divorced early, Dad walked out and basically abandoned A, her brother and mother. Mother remarried financially successful but step dad trespassed his new step daughter. At 14 she ran away and became a heroin hooker on hollywood blvd for a couple of years before somehow she ended up back in her home town on the east coast with mama cleaning her up. She stayed on her wagon ????no one really knows how long….. but it was never long enough. the last ten years of her life she started confessing so many things to me.

Things I would never have dreamed to guess, things like her first son wasn’t really her husband’s but her dealer’s at the time. She told me many things. shocking things like if i had not of left the company where i originally met her of my own accord she would have fired me because she had used me as a cover to embezzle over sixty thousand dollars from the company – twenty years after the fact she asked me why I wasn’t mad as i stood looking at her in total shock. What would be the point of getting mad I asked? It’s done and luckily no harm came to me but why would you do that? You did not need the money. Her answer was a simple shrug and a quiet, just to see if i could”. The more she revealed the more my heart sank as I realized how she had created the nightmare that would in the end take not only take her life, but her 16 year old son’s as well. They died a week apart.
One leaving behind regrets of a life unfilled, the other regrets of how their life was lived.

I have watched from a distance through the windows of my friends memories and learned much about why I would never want to try coke, crank, crack, heroin, meth or any other form of snow to be snorted, cooked, injected or smoked I am glad my blessed mother put the fear of those things in me from an early age. I never really knew my blood father partially at least to his involvement in those things and those things among others led him to tour the united states from a variety of different incarceration ports. He had many second chances. but flushed every one of them down the toilet or so i have been told by those who supposedly know. My friend A was the same the only difference was she had a wealthy mother to bail her out and keep her out of the incarceration tanks but not out of the cancer center.

When A was diagnosed for cancer and had just finished her second round of chemo she sat on her porch telling me how she was clean and hadn’t touched the shit in a year. I told her the only thing that had changed was her dealer. Now instead of meth she had oxycotin. now instead of meeting her dealer in back corners, she did it in the public office of her doctor, the drugs still slowly leading her to the same death, just a different cleaner route than the path she traveled before. She did not disagree.

I have friends who have told me I just should move on and not interact with those who waste their lives on such endeavors, but for all of A’s deception, her unreliability and her destruction she never was short of a smile. She always had a word of encouragement, somehow she always made you feel things weren’t so bad and tomorrow would be a better day. She never held my secrets against me. When i was in the throws of grief that went with writing “Inherited Rage” and thought i would not be able to finish it she would come by and fill my ears with how incredible it was that i was even willing to try. She made me feel good about me and that is what i will remember her by the gifts of love and encouragement that she strewed like rose petals every where she went. She knew how to laugh and at least present the image of having fun, unfortunately it wasn’t until the end that the rest of realized what a front she had put up, and the price she would pay for the secrets she kept.

I will miss my friend A. Despite her faults and human weaknesses she was a good friend to me.
I was blessed to know her and I pray she find that place where she no longer needs a drug to feel the love.

Throwaway children in a throwaway society.
By Lone Heron

It seems we create a lot of “trash” from people to plastic bottles- we are a discarding society- There seems to be a wasteful mentality that has now grown till the point that it stands ready to devour the discarders themselves.

I wonder, do people hold anything sacred anymore?
Do we appreciate how good we have it? Those from the great depression hold onto everything while their offspring throw it away as fast as they can-

I have heard it said, people cannot appreciate anything they have not earned. I believe there is truth in that, as often people give me things I do not want and I pass them along to others only to wish much later I had held onto that thing that was previously of no value – but I could sure use now.

What will we do as a society when all the people we have thrown away in jail because we did not know what else to do with these individuals who strike fear in our hearts from the actions they took become a burden we can no longer carry?

When will we realize that although they may or may not have been the one to actually commit the crime we all played a part in it- some passively others actively- but we are all guilty- the law agrees with if you were there when the act occurred automatically you are an accomplice wether it’s true or not is not the point – the point is they are doing their job based on what society called for- but most people were thinking mass murders and thieves for crooked reasons not murder for self defense- No, to the law,murder is murder – it is only separated by small degrees of intensity on what kind of murder but no where is there a category of sentencing on murder for self defense -is there? No, that’s just self defense not murder.
How can we blame a kid who is 11,13,15,16,17 even18 years old who put an end to something we as adults would not have tolerated for a day or a week much less decades?

How can we condemn these kids when we know the truth? When we condemn them are we not also condemning ourselves?
If someone is so bad that they must be locked up for life and we must support their incarceration I figure that makes us just as quietly guilty otherwise why would we be willing to work so hard to support something which is a drain to all?

Have we lost so much feeling and resourcefulness to grow that we must penalize those who are doing nothing but trying to survive? Are we so heartless that we will not give a second chance because our fear refuses such opportunity? It might seem so depending on where you look but that is not necessarily the truth either.

Truth is a hard subject – it looks different for everyone- Truth is relative but often ignored-
Punishment delivered by others is never as just as what our subconscious would deliver.
I say this because of my own experience which I have shared in Inherited Rage.
I would really like to hear opinions from others- I would like to know if other people think I would have suffered more in jail- would jail have made me a more moral person? A better citizen? I don’t think so- I think if I had of gone to jail the only difference is the taxpayers would have had to pay my bill. I don’t think I would have the same drive to make amends- and I am pretty sure I would not have near as much to contribute.
I took two lives in defense of my own- my guilt has driven me to give more life back than I ever took – tell me do the majority of the prisoners feel that way?
I don’t know but I would like to know.

Had I trusted those who were sent to help me and told the truth -they would not have helped me- they would have thrown me in the trash and sent the bill to the citizen in taxes and it would have changed nothing. As it was I took a higher path of my own accord and I help pay uncle SAMs bill every year right along with everyone else but I am tired of uncle Sam spending my money and achieving lil or nothing except more debt, more heartache and more empty promises – but I know I can’t even blame the government because the government is controlled indirectly and directly by puppets representing the masses – puppets caught between the higher ups and the lower downs. I ask you why do we need these puppets?

Nothing will change until we change as individuals. Nothing will change until we take out our own trash and face the mountain we have created. I say the worst thing about politicians is not politicians, it’s the people who have elected them to do something with the trash the people have created because they don’t want to get their own hands dirty.

My answer of resolution is get a pair of gloves and get involved. I would like to know what is your plan? I would like to know how we can work together to help everyone- So many look to the government and the government looks to the people- when will we stop rubbernecking while we drive by doing nothing? When will we rise up and pitch in and quit waiting on others to do it for us? When will we become thinkers and doers instead of a nation of watchers? The event of parricide I would gamble to say would never happen if communities would stand up against those who they know are committing such heinous acts. Our ancestors conquered America; we stole it from the Indians- We fought unimaginable things and survived but did we win our freedom simply to turn around and enslave ourselves? Did we win our freedom at the loss of our heart and soul? Did we win our freedom at the expense of others and now karma is serving us up a dose of our own?

That’s how it seems to me. I am not willing to surrender to that demise and I wonder who of you out there is with me? Who is willing to stand and speak and ask not for another slice of pie but instead demand an entirely different kind of pie? Come my fellow countrymen and stand in unison with me- together we can change everything for the better but we must do it collectively Let us rally together and resolve our issues in a chorus so loud that the government officials we have elected can not deny us the one thing we all deserve freedom- and that should include freedom to fight for our lives without penalty even if that means death. Note I did not say murder I said fight for our lives- there is a difference!

Colorado Dark Knights – another missed picture
By: Lone Heron

Ok so I have sat back and collected data on our latest super villain, I hadn’t formed much of an opinion on the various rumors that came down the pike to have an opinion but now curiosity has gotten the better of me and google provided enough information that I now have some opinion in reference to our latest greatest joker.

First of all, our little “joker” not only was very smart, but his intelligence had brought him a full paid scholarship. He had his own private apartment along with many freedom and privileges.
According to one media statement: ” there were no indications anything was wrong”
I had to laugh when a friend of mine asked “Does that reporter need glasses? Just look at that boy – if you cant tell something is wrong by his hair alone then you’re just plain dumb”.
Or numb, I added. Which brings me to this question:

Have we become so numb to the rebellions of our youth that they now must resort to murder to garner the attention they need and crave? Have they so little self value the only place they can find for themselves in life is at the doorway of destruction? Are these individuals who go rogue on society just by products of the cavalier heartless society we have created or were they just born that way? If they were born that way wouldn’t we have seen signs of it along the way? What if the signs were there all along just like Egyptian hieroglyphs but no one knew how to interpret them or more truthfully were unwilling to be honest or courageous enough to acknowledge it instead of make excuses for it.

There are always signs but unfortunately there are always people who deny the signs.
They convince themselves that it was their imagination, or that it won’t happen again but it does happen, over and over again- our history books are proof that history repeats itself time and time and beyond time again.

The society we live in, the society we have created provides everything necessary for these kinds of events to occur. Once upon a time instead of sending our kids away to school to get those fancy educations we kept them at home and taught them ourselves, we taught them things you don’t learn in school- things like emotional education, things like sharing, thinks like work. Kids were included in life 100 years ago. Today they fall between the cracks more than ever before and then we wonder why crap like this happens.