Archives for posts with tag: abuse

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Learning how to feel
By: lone Heron
Author of Inherited Rage -available at amazon.com

Learning how to communicate requires learning how to listen.

Learning how to truly listen
Requires learning how to feel.
How many can truly honestly say how they feel?
How do you feel today?

If you don’t feel good are you ignoring it just to get through the day? That’s what happens to children of parricide. They have to ignore their feelings just to survive. After years of this practice they become numb just like after listening to loud noises over time causes one to lose hearing. Ignoring how we feel causes a lack of feelings. Most of us have a choice but the child of parricide has no more of a choice about his feelings than the soldier who fights with heavy artillery has a choice about his hearing- even ear protection will not completely protect from the damage being done.

When we don’t have the compassion or the feeling to lift a finger to aide another in assistance when they are asking for it what gives us the right to judge them after they take care of the problem themselves? A good majority of our good Christian citizens who tell us we shouldn’t judge will be the first ones to turn on the evening news and make decisions they lack the information to honestly make. Looks like Judgement in my mind. The very Christians that turned a blind eye unwilling to help were the same damn busy bodies that visited me in jail wanting to help- but then it was tooooooo late. God will save you they said- to which I think if god worked those good Christians would have intervened but they did not because they only quoted what the bible said about God- that same program they were taught did not work at my house. They could not conceive much less understand and so they judged and to this day many still do. It is a very sad situation, ignorance and fear breed segregation that is based upon emotional intelligence which relates to how we feel that the majority never even acknowledge.

We are told at various points how we are not to feel- but how are we supposed to feel?
And what do we do with those feelings that gnaw away and turn us into less than what we were meant to be. what are we supposed to do with those feelings we don’t want to feel? I don’t believe it was meant for us to go around feeling like we weren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough whatever enough….. But these were the things we learned from a society that doesn’t want to communicate and build but rather a society that needs to tear something down to make an some other individual feel better. What happened to focusing on the subject at hand and dealing with it instead of sweeping it under the rug where it could grow into a monster.
What happened to agreeing to disagree- what happened to the idea of reciprocation? What happened to the idea: If you scratch my back I will scratch yours and everybody can be itch free.

I have helped many and i believe i was able to do so because I learned to help myself first. No one else seemed to be able to hear or wanted to hear what I was saying and therefore they couldn’t help me, but boy did they judge me for helping myself! I believe the ones who were the angriest were also feeling the guiltiest because they didn’t do anything to change the course of anything. Those who stand by and watch the crime occur while doing nothing are as guilty as the ones doing wrong in my opinion. They are approving the action by not defying it. Until our society realizes how they assist in the creation of the crime committed by the criminal we will not resolve our problems. We cannot do this until we learn how to feel. We can not do this until we become more compassionate and accepting of how others feel, and yet the idea of emotional education is very foreign to most of us. We rarely stop and consider how we feel unless something in our body actually hurts, if we were to learn to reflect upon how we feel I am thinking many of our physical as well as emotional and mental issues would automatically dissolve simply because as we started to hone in on how we felt we would also hone in on those lil things that build into big things and stop them before they became crises or monsters.

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Self Defense can look like Murder
By: Lone Heron

Having experienced parricide personally I can tell you – it is a situation of
self defense and even though the events of parricide commonly happen when
the parents are not expecting it and the courts deem them guilty because the
threat was not “imminent” what many don’t seem to understand is when the
events that lead to parricide have been continuing over such a long period of time-
they are imminent! When the nightmare continues to happen and just gets
worse and worse and you know it’s going to happen again that makes it
imminent!

If another country is going to attack us and we know it’s coming it’s ok in
military maneuvers to get the jump and attack first but it’s not ok in a
home where you have grown up under a parent who rules the home like a Nazi
concentration camp? It’s not ok to be in a state of shell shock; that’s the WWI term
for post traumatic stress disorder and fight for your life syndrome. This condition has been
filed under many names throughout history. It is nothing new, but it will never be less awful.

We want to believe that the only one’s who have experienced this are those
who have gone to war- it is impossible for outsiders, even friends and family
to see what truly goes on in parricide situations, just like it took forever
to see what the Nazis were doing. People: you weren’t there, you are not
God, you don’t know and you will never truly understand until you experience
it personally, which I pray you never do but sadly I believe eventually many of
you will because that seems to be what happens to those who pass judgements
on things they don’t know- fate seems to lead them to the experience so they can know.

I personally would absolutely love to see those judges who sentence
parricide children to prison experience one week with my mother as she was
at her peak- I would bet money within one measly week they would start to
think a different way and I wouldn’t give even a year before either the
judge or my mom would be dead.

I will personally challenge anyone who says parricide kids are wrong for
their actions with one question- if you had someone doing things to you like
the Kermodes ( you can read about them in the murder of Jacob,
By: Maryellen Johnson From http://www.pendulumfoundation.com)
do you honestly think you would deserve prison for
saving yourself? I killed my parents when I was 18 in an ultimate act of self defense-
I did not serve a life sentence. – I paid my dues another way you can
read about it – “Inherited Rage” by Lone Heron – Www.amazon.com

Why Abused Kids Don’t Talk — Particularly to the Police
By: Lone Heron

I find it no surprise that children do not talk to adults in situations of parricide. I can tell you why I did not talk. I was terrified. I could not own what I had done, I knew it – I was there- but was it really real? Bad dream shake it away – can’t remember the blur to speak of the details and yet they are perfectly preserved waiting for the mind to assimilate what happened so that it could be explained, waiting for the shock to thaw, only to be attacked by the questions professionals need answered to do their job.

In these situations the child of parricide becomes no different than the terrapin I happen upon on the trail who draws his feet & head back in his shell. I can ask him ‘til I am blue in the face, “Where are you headed, Turtle?” and his shell will stay sealed but If I sit and wait patiently without movement or sound the turtle will come out and show me.

When children have been involved in such horrors as those ending in parricide they develop a shell that works just like the turtle- the more you poke the tighter they close & the less they speak. Turtles and kids don’t think in the same terms of language as grownups. Furthermore, if all of the professionals approach other children of parricide as they did me- no wonder they don’t talk. Those who interrogated me with the same tones my mother had which said, “Better shut up because anything you say will be held against you.” Couple that with questions like, “Did you hate your parents?” in conjunction with some slammed fists on the table to emphasize the point –
What a way to engender trust- “Gee, Officer, did you beat your wife again last night?”

These gorilla tactics don’t work on children any more than it works to slam your hand on the ground and expect the turtle to stick his head out. But that’s only part of it. Let’s examine words. Most abused kids don’t think in those terms; they’ve been programmed not to. They don’t realize that abuse is exactly what they have been experiencing for however long it’s been.

When they asked if I was beaten, I said no because I wasn’t beaten. I was “taught lessons”, I was “punished” for messing up or doing wrong. I do not know if that is understandable but I just did not think in those terms then. Only later, when I came to realize my parents were not like others. Not everyone else got dragged up the hall by the hair of their head at 3am to wash a dirty dish. Not until it was explained to me what abuse actually was years after the event did I realize what abuse actually was. It was just the way life was. There were no labels.

There was confusion and fear that was so intense my whole system froze. I expect it is the same for every child of parricide to a lesser or greater degree. I have thawed from my shock- I have learned – I have grown – I still have much to learn but on the subject of parricide I understand how it happens. I also understand how our society creates it so carelessly and cavalierly.
And how we are all responsible.

There are different people out there who specialize in working with parricide situations, advocates for the children and lawyers and prisons. It doe snot matter how many systems we create to take care of our trash if we as citizens fail to create less. Our non profits are overburdened, our jail centers are overburdened, and still we create more. When will we learn to be a part of the solution as individuals instead of leaving behind a mess for someone else to clean up.

Parricide is one of those things very few want to even acknowledge. Because we turn blind eyes to our neighbors these events and others occur that could have been stopped. If you know someone who falls into the realms of parricide potential please do not ignore them. You would not want to be ignored if you found yourself in such a predicament i can promise you.

Pre-Emptive Strikes: Fine in War; Anathema for Abused Kids
Written By: Lone Heron
Edited: Maryellen Johnson http://www.pendulumfoundation.com

Having Experienced parricide personally I can tell you it is a situation of self defense. Even though the events of parricide commonly happen when the parents are not expecting it and the courts deem the battered child guilty because the threat was not “imminent,” what people don’t understand is when thebevents that lead to parricide have been continuing over such a long period- they are imminent! When the nightmare continues to happen and it just gets worse and worse and you know it’s going to happen again that makes it imminent!

If another country is going to attack us and we know it’s coming -it’s ok in military maneuvers to get the jump and attack first. That’s called a pre-emptive strike. Okay, so why then is a “pre-emptive strike” not ok in a home where you have grown up under a parent who rules the home as if it were a Nazi concentration camp? Why is not ok to be in a state of shell shock – that’s the WWI term for post traumatic stress disorder — and fight for your life?

We want to believe that the only ones who have experienced PTSD are those who have gone to war. Well, there are many kinds of war and many different battlefields, including those upon which helpless children must fight upon every hour of every day. It is impossible for outsiders, even friends and family, to see what truly goes on in parricide situations — just as it took many years to understand what the Nazis were actually doing.

People: you weren’t there, you are not God, you don’t know and you will never truly understand until you experience it.
I pray you will never have to go through what Jacob and I and millions of others have endured, but sadly I believe many of you will.
I’ve learned that those who pass judgment about things of which they know nothing generally learn, to their regret (or enlightenment.)
Fate/ karma/God/whatever seems to lead each of us to difficult experiences so that we can learn.

I personally would absolutely love to see those prosecutors who prosecute and judges who sentence parricide children to prison experience one week with my mother when she was at her peak. I would bet money within one measly week they would start to think a different way and I wouldn’t give even a year before either the prosecutor or judge or my mom would be dead.

I challenge anyone who says parricide kids are wrong for their actions with one question: If you had someone doing things to you like Jacob’s parents and other sick people do – do you honestly think you would deserve prison for saving yourself? I killed my parents when I was 18 for the same reasons- I did not go to jail – I paid my dues another way.

You can read about it in my book “Inherited Rage” by Lone Heron – Www.amazon.com
learn more about this subject at http://www.pendulumfoundation.com

Sacrifices-
By lone heron

We all make them, who among us has not had to trade in one thing in order to have another? Sacrifice means different things for different people. For some people, like Jacob Ind, it meant giving up their freedom simply so they could live- for others it means giving up their life for someone else to live.

Sacrifices are just part of life – they are a choice, although sometimes they don’t seem like a choice. Often sacrifices seem like situations that arise from a chain of events that demand a person make a certain choice they would rather not make- but that is the sacrifice. Go to school or raise the kid is an example many have faced.

Sometimes choices and sacrifices are made for us if we cant decide for ourselves. Other times our choices and options are taken from us and made for us without option. Our government and medical systems do this in many ways. What I wonder is how can this be when without the people the government would not, could not exist. What will those officials sacrifice to keep their seats of power? I wonder do they sacrifice their humanity to pass judgements and rulings? – Do they become more jaded and cruel due to all of the negativity they deal with? Is there any real way to determine another’s remorse? Is there any real way to judge another’s redemption or are politicians simply little power hungry children playing God?

Are those children who die at the parents hands just another Christ sacrifice?
Are the children who kill their parents for reasons they don’t truly understand at the time any more wrong than the man who would kill a burglar who entered his house in the middle of the night? If murder is so wrong then why do the basic tenants of life require it? You must kill something to live- you gotta eat. If we devour our plants into extinction is this not a form of murder?

The law likes to play with words- 2nd degree, 1st degree, manslaughter. But death is death- Doctors screw up and kill people every day – aprox 100,000 per year and it has nothing to do with murder— or does it? No I think there is some other label our legal leaders have been able to loop hole those killers through I think they call it malpractice insurance! The medical system kills at least 100,000 people per year- its not intentional- they don’t want their guinea pig patients to die, but it is a risk they are willing to take to fill their pockets with gold.

I like what buhhda said “I like your Christ, but not your Christians, they are so unlike your Christ”. The more I learn about Buddhist, the more I like their religion- After all, I have never heard of a Christian who valued life so much they would bend to save an earthworm from the tip of a shovel- but I have known many Christians who gave no second thought to stepping and crushing the life from it’s small body- very much like a parricide parent treats a parricide child.

“Inherited Rage” is my story of survival and recovery and is available as an Ebook at http://www.Amazon.com. “The murder of Jacob” can be found under Mary Ellen’s blog at http://www.pendulumfoundation.com.
Read-learn-get involved- join us in the goal of making the world a better place through communication, understanding and resolution of those events which lead to parricide.