Archives for category: psychology, justice, reflection, religion,

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Getting Along with Others
By: Lone Heron
Author of Inherited Rage-available at amazon.com

Getting along with others seems to be a real challenge for many, including myself.. I like the ideal of getting along with others but it doesn’t always seem to work out to well. I say that because if you aren’t agreeing with them,you probably aren’t going to get along with them. You can try, but likely you will keep getting hung up on that same old disagreeable snag. Or at least that seems to have been my personal experience. I can agree to disagree, but I seem to have difficulty sitting silently by and keeping my mouth shut! It’s really quite ironic when you consider I spent the first twenty years of my life keeping my mouth shut -fear is a powerful motivator – i guess II have made up for it the last twenty years of my life and now I find myself reverting back to being a quieter, less volunteering person- what’s the point when no one hears or remembers?

What’s the point of asking when the people you have asked have proven time and again they don’t really care about what’s up with you because their drama is soooooo much more important…
We all have people like this in our lives and even when we take time out to focus and try to help them, they don’t really appreciate it. They take everything you have to give and then want more but they don’t want to reciprocate anything to feed the flow of energy. Oh no- to get these people to do anything to help you is about as difficult as freezing water in hell.

You can ask nicely, bargain, offer a fair trade, beg, cajole, pester, annoy and they just smile agree and then ignore- or pretend the conversation never occurred. But these same people won’t blink an eye in hesitation the next time they see you before they launch into what they need from you. These people are I have decided evil and insincere friends. Sincere friends want to help. They offer their help and actually follow through instead of just talking about it.

I think the time has come to weed my garden of insincere friends- those who will take my help all day long- those who feel no qualms to ask of me whatever they like with no thought of reciprocation- it reminds me of what the nazis did to the Jewish, and of what a parricide parent does to create a parricide child.

The give and take energy is out of balance- take take take- more more more- it’s all over the place in our society and until we learn how to draw hard boundaries it will continue to be picked up by group after group to try and succeed where prior groups have failed- the trail will be followed by many until enough realize and consciously divert the heard by drawing boundaries and choosing how they engage,instead of wasting energy helping others who do not reciprocate and who do not reinvest the energy wisely given them by those who helped them. ” Waste not, want not ” – ageless wisdom. Yet so many of us seem to forget this, we waste and squander and then look for someone else to refill the proverbial gas tank. The proverbial gas tank is filled when others pay attention to us. The quality of attention could be comparable to the quality of fuel in your vehicle.
If the gas has been contaminated your car won’t run as smoothly. If the person listening to you can’t tell you what you said 5 min after your conversation was over because they interrupted to tell you something about a totally different subject – well all the energy you spent on that particular conversation was wasted. And without reciprocal energy investment you end up feeling drained and empty. It’s just part of the cycle of life- checks and balances that need to occur in order to maintain harmony- makes since when you apply it to your checking account – but many never apply that thought to their time. If more considered it I bet I could get along with those people a whole lot better.

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Time
By: Lone Heron,
Author of Inherited Rage avail @ amazon.com

Time is like a mercurial sand that slips through one’s fingers. We get busy and the next thing you know the day is half gone. The past few years have been that way for me. It does not seem like it has been over a year since I last blogged, but I know it has. It’s actually been longer but who’s counting?

I had wondered if my blogging actually did any good. I knew I had a small handful of peeps who read and found my blogs beneficial because I received a few mails stating that. Another confirmation that blogging was actually making a difference somewhere was the fact: Inherited Rage, which can be found on amazon.com has dramatically decreased sales since I quit blogging. I can definitively say blogging helps sell books. However, selling books was never my main goal, my main goal was to help others- which seemed to do nothing but bring me frustration. It seemed like instead of finding people who I could join my efforts with to make a difference I just found peeps who wanted to argue about what to do or waste my good intentioned energy but never actually doing anything.

For example:
One of the factors that led to this frustration was Dan Daily. I don’t like it when people don’t keep their word and Dan did not keep his word to me.
In 2013 the proceeds from the sales of Inherited Rage were donated to Dan Daily. Dan agreed to use those proceeds to purchase and install a water pump so that water could be pumped to the main dwelling from the reserve tanks instead of being carried. I will spare you the ramble of all of my exchanges with Dan and summarize it. Over a two years later this water pump still had not been installed and to this day I don’t know how he used that money.

I have read it takes a year to really know someone, you must see a person through all four seasons before you have a true picture of their personality.
If someone has made a promise and a year later it still is unfulfilled chances are high that it will never be filled and time has just shown you something about that person.

I am all for helping. I think everyone needs to find people they can help. I think everyone can help in some small way. I do not believe allowing others to take advantage of our good will or continuing to try to help them when they have shown their word cannot be relied upon helps anything. On the contrary I find such events only deteriorate our faith in others and ultimately in ourselves. We are only as good as our word, and when we don’t keep our agreements no matter how large or small we feed the deterioration of our own society.

I am moving away from parricides and their fate, despite the fact that I am a parricide and I know first hand how these events occur. The negativity wrapped around these events and those who fight for and against them are so intense it is heart breaking, gut wrenching, ulcer creating material. Before I quit blogging I exchanged mails with many different young men incarcerated for parricide. Eventually, with a lil luck they will regain their physical freedom. In the meantime they suffer imprisonment simply because their will to live outweighed their willingness to suffer and or die. Is it their fate to be trapped by a government system that cannot keep its word or vision? Almost every parricide case I am aware of has a long abuse history, recorded by social workers and government agencies that are created to stop such atrocities. People know the truth but they turn blind eyes. They are afraid.

I experienced this as a child. I asked for help and I was told I was exaggerating by the very people who told me I could come to them for anything……..anything except the truth.

Time has a way of clarifying peoples words. It has a way of pulling truths to the surface others would prefer stay buried and forgotten. Time will teach you who is and who is not as good as their word. Time is a great balancer of all things but it allows no secret to hide forever. If you ever wonder or question anyone or thing if you are blessed with the luxury of time, watch and wait your answer will come. It always does.

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Anniversary
By Lone Heron

It’s coming up on 28 years since that fateful june evening when I pulled the trigger and my parents passed into the spirit realm. I wonder if my mother were alive today would she have learned a different way and treat me nicer or would she be the same abusive control freak pushing me in just another cycle of unrealized continuance and projection.

I have forgiven her because I do believe that she really did have it in mind to do her best for me but she just didn’t understand how to go about getting that message across in another form of delivery or at least that’s what I choose to believe. It’s preferable to me to believe that way even if it is wrapped in pieces of denial- I say that because to even begin to believe that is true, I have to forget about the times my mother yelled and screamed telling me how she hated me and never wanted me while pulling hair, slapping,’and hitting.

She may have been telling me her truth in that moment- not once did she ever apologize, but since she did have me,’she did at least make sure I was fed, clothed and got an education which has been the necessary ingredient for me to unravel my nightmare in order to be here writing you today.

It is easier for me to say she was sick as opposed to just plain mean. or at least, this is’what II choose to believe based on what I have learned is true-
Let me explain-
The liver is the organ that generates frustration, irritability,
argumentativeness, anger and rage. According to he five element theory the liver operates at it’s peak between one and three am in the morning, and you should be asleep by 11pm for the liver to do it’s job properly- was my mothers liver further irritated because she worked mid-crew shift and was never in bed asleep when her liver would have been at it’s peak function time?
I know blood sugar which is affected by how well the liver converts sugars to glycogen can also create anger issues in people- I know personally about this one due to my own blood sugars imbalance which now seems to reside at an appropriate number 99-100.
Bringing my blood sugar back into balance with food and exercise greatly reduced my anger levels- note I said reduced, not eliminate, but I think you get the picture – and that is one piece of many that moved me from a place of hating my parents to a place of appreciating them and giving thanks for what they did provide. It does not make what they did right- but it does make it more understandable and therefore easier to forgive.
Especially when you bring alcohol into the parricide equation.
For parents who already have stress and they seek consolation through alcohol which then warps the entire picture even more by warping the individual mind, body and soul while aggravating the already stressed liver into overdrive thereby increasing the rage- and the kids
know it’s time to disappear if at all possible.

Once upon a time alcohol was called spirits and it was said that it weakens the individuals consciousness to the point that negative entities could step in and direct the body as the temporary designated driver….so to speak – is that what happens when a person gets so drunk they are unconscious of their actions even though they are still being active?

I wonder what Jacob Ind and others think of their parents- I wonder if they have forgiveness for them. I wonder have they thought things out as I have or have they gone a different route in their minds. Perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to speak directly to other parricide survivors about the nightmare we have experienced. I have had the opportunity to communicate with two other parricide victims via mail and telephone, one is now free the other is still incarcerated.
I believe the individual growth has been limited and stunted due to the system of incarceration that controls the other side of such events.

I have been blessed with many opportunities that those like Jacob ind will never have the experience of. Jacob has lost twenty years of his life for defending it. How would you feel if you were celebrating your umpteenth anniversary locked in a cage because you wanted to live free of harm, free of pain and you were pressed so deeply into a corner that your most primal instincts, kill or be killed were engaged and like a puppet you play the part unable to stop any event in the long chain of events that led to the moment in time where all thoughts of right and wrong roll back in your head like a sharks eye appears to do in a feeding frenzy.

The shrinks and counselors, judges and lawyers, and general society gather around to analyze it.
Gotta blame someone so it’s the kid that takes the heat cause the parents are dead. And society in its limited capacity to understand that which it has not experienced and then don’t understand why the kids do not acquiesce – inspection and analyzation are major pieces in the role played by parricide parents. So when the officials get involved after the fact well most times It’s just another form of hypocrisy. Another know it all thinking they know how to fix it. I propose they are not truly interested in fixing it because if they really were someone would have knocked on my door by now and said “hey – you own you committed this “crime” side stepped long term incarceration,have not regressed but instead progressed, have never killed again after 28 years? How did you do it? What suggestions from having come through this experience would you offer those of us on the outside trying to help rehabilitate and understand it? But no no one wants to hear my thoughts on healing these atrocities. They want to grab and run just like parricide parents. Eventually, they, like parricide parents and all other bullies in all walks of life, will meet the one,that even if only for a moment is bigger than them and then finally they will perhaps begin to understand, they too, are part of the problem that blocks and interferes with the natural course of healing.

My childhood prepared me for life in manny ways better than those who had the perfect leave it to beaver childhood. It made me strong and motivated me to do better. For many years I beat myself after all I was a murderer. But I am not. If I were a murderer as opposed to a survivor I can think of at least 3 other people who are still alive and kicking that would be six feet under somewhere.

With each passing year I feel more connection and gratitude for my parents. As awful as they were they could have been worse and they did create a survivor in me, or maybe I already was, they were just the ones to help me to learn about tat aspect of myself. I have no doubt that I will meet them on the other side of my death bed whenever that day arrives I will be looking forward to new levels of communication that could never be achieved here on this side of life.

Where once upon a time I ranted, raved, cried and even for a period denounced God trying to understand what I had done wrong to deserve this life- now I have come full circle and thank God for putting me through the strengthening fires of negativity. I am stronger for it due to the healing path I have followed. I hope the same is true of my parricide brothers and sisters who have fallen into incarceration. I hope they can with time, find value in the path they have traveled as have I.

Thank you for reading my post.
Questions &and and comments can be directed
To loneheron@Gmail.com
Inherited rage is my story which is frighteningly similar to other parricide events.
Inherited rage by: Lone Heron
can be found at http://www.amazon.com

Inherited Rage Progress report for 2012

2012 Inherited Rage became available to the general public via Amazon.com
Attention was drawn to inherited rage through blogs put out here and through
The pendulum foundation via Mary Ellen Johnson. Mentions were made by
Dan Daily in his blogs. Not much else was Done.
Inherited rage made approximately 500$ profit it’s first year on amazon.
300 dollars of that money was paid to the company hired to get it up on the net
The remaining 200 dollars has been sent and received by Dan daily to install a water pump on the property at Estrella vista. Dan holds open doors on his property for parricide kids to have a place to come home to once they are released from incarceration and are trying to find their place to live free of violence in a violent world- it is a difficult chore.

I am thrilled with the responses I have received from readers – only one in a year had a negative commentary- you can find that one one star review on amazon.com next to all the five star reviews. And for the record- all of those reviews are from different people -some I know, but more I don’t.
I wrote Inherited Rage with the intention that my story, as dreadful as it is, would help others
I know it is serving its purpose due to the readers response and I am thrilled that it has accumulated enough funds to make a difference for someone else.

If you have read Inherited Rage and have not, please post a review on Amazon – good or bad-
All are beneficial.
To my readers thank you for your support to help raise awareness on
The issues we all face with abuse in our society.

Below you will find a copy from Amazon reports for IR,

Sold
Borrowed
Royalty
Feb
2
4.08
March
7
1
16.46
April
18
1
39.2
May
13
8
44.58
June
13
44.72
July
17
58.48
August
15
51.6
September
24
96.8
October
20
125
November
11
68.75
December
2
12.5
January
7
43.75
February
7
43.75
March
15

?

171
649.67

For a period of 1 year, 171 copies of IR sold and collected 649.67 in royalties.

Sweat Equity
By: Lone Heron
I threw the television out ages ago and my home became nstantaneously more pleasant and peaceful. However, I still have the Internet and when I look on there and allow the world and the events occurring in the realm of politics to enter my mindframe it makes me want to scream, turn off the machine and run for the hills.

All the woe is me – the argumentation-
The power plays and the struggles that keep people trapped in situations where they don’t want to be in is endless. The problem has not changed in nover two hundred years- probably not since the beginning of time when we were still the land of Pan. It is quite simple really, when you boil it all down it is the same enduring war between the haves and the have nots that has gone on from the beginning of time and will no doubtedly continue until this planet is no more.

Many of us tend to forget that our focus is fertilizer and whatever we focus on in life is what will grow. If we all keep our focus on positive things and get on with our chores things would work out with out all this crap- Half or more of the people I read about are the problem -they sit on their asses looking for a handout, looking for someone to save them when the only person that can save themselves is them. When we help ourselves, others want to help us- when we bash ourselves (mentally, verbally, emotionally or physical), others will also do this in the most amazing innocuous ways. Monkey see – Monkey do!

Many forget,’this country was built on more than anything else -‘courage, sweat equity and good old survival of the fittest. The fittest did not whine moan and groan,’they asked “what’s it gonna take?”, and put their backs into it. They took full and complete responsibility for themselves. They didn’t look for big brother or uncle sam, God Almighty, Jesus, Buddha or anyone else to bail them out.

No-they got up everyday and went out in horrid weather with no warm shower and no electricity to brew the coffee to start their day. They made make mention of the realities they faced but they did not complain. They pulled their bootstraps up and got their hands dirty getting on with the doing of things that needed to be done.

We should all do the same if for no other reason than to simply acknowledge and give thankful gratitude to our elders who paved the way for us to be here today with bootstraps to pull up.

All to many times I here people say “oh I don’t want to do that”. Well get over it life doesn’t get lived by keeping your hands clean and callous free. The rest of us who have pulled up our bootstraps don’t want to be your mama or your daddy! No we want you to get off your ass and join u’s to make a better world- not stand in line for a handout.

Everybody can do something to improve-
…..Find your something……
AND DO IT!

Lone Heron, Author of Inherited Rage can be found at amazon.com

Home

By: Lone Heron

The word conjures up images for most of us.

For those children who were lucky enough to land in the Leave it to Beaver families home brings to mind loving supportive parents, apple pies, perhaps a beloved family pet, a childhood friend or activity- always with smiles and hugs.

But for the parricide child it brings a different set of memories. They are generally as dark as the Beavers were light.

My how the world has changed. Did parricide, the killing of one’s parents, occur in the 50’s? I bet it did since it’s been occurring since the beginning of time just like everything else.

Until the past 20-30 years though parricide has remained swept carefully under the family rug. Now that dirt has leaked out onto the internet, we’re told we have a national average of 300 kids per year. And yet they say incidents are actually declining- I wonder how can they be sure? I wonder how many are out there just like me who by the grace of GOD slipped through the cracks of the legal system.

Parents speak to your kids about abuse – look out for the Jacobs and those like him whose only crime was defending their own life.

And for the judges and prosecutors of our courts: when you have been living in this situation and you know it’s going to happen again and each time is worse. Knowing it’s coming IS IMMINENT! So you are going to have to change your definition of first-degree murder. And consider these killings are acts of self-defense which may look like murder but its not quite the same.

It seems that its ok for our military in war but not for a child left behind in familial war.

Hypocrisy I say.

Inherited Rage by Lone Heron can be purchased at http://www.amazon.com

“The murder of Jacob”by Maryellen Johnson can be found at http://www.pendulumfoundation

See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil
By: Lone Heron

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Who among us has not fought the battle of deciding- do i tell or keep quiet?
We have all been imprinted with- see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil-
but where is the program for doing no evil when it’s done to us?

Both mine and Jacob Ind’s mothers wished us dead before we ever really knew what dead was.
15 yrs apart on opposite sides of the country we experienced frighteningly similar childhoods. We both came into a world where our mothers really did not want us and the hell began.
15 and 18 years later Jacob and I ended our hell by similar measures. The paths we took to get there were slightly different but thick with similarity. If ourstories were compared to others of similar nature I am betting there are even more markers to be found. I am betting this kind of study could reveal a profound foretelling or forewarning that these events are not only highly probable, but in certain situations most certain and nothing less than evacuating the child to some other place where there best interests would be maintained will do.

I propose one place that might be would be a self sustaining working farm where this child could become part of a community that was geared for this purpose alone.
One well managed farm should be able to handle 1-200 kids at a time while also providing a job/housing arrangement for the public that would provide these kids the opportunity to learn a new way to be while giving back to the community. 3-4 of these scattered around the country would take these special children out of the modern day concentration camps we call prison.

All participants would work collectively on this farm all would have chores and responsibility.
One working for all and all working for one.
Connected we stand- divided we fall-
It’s time to re-connect and stand tall.

To do that we must share and so that’s Exactly what I am doing here- I am sharing what I know in hopes that it will somehow help. If you find my post helpful please let me know. If you have answers to my questions, then I would like to talk to you over tea. If you wish to attack me negatively in any way, it really is gonna make me suspicious about You and why you respond so strongly Because this s not about me. We might have to have a long talk to get to the bottom of it or in some cases for those who just want to argue for the sake of argue- just walk on by. It is my intention to do everything I can to help us find a better way and nothing more. My dreams are not wealth or status my dreams are for change that brings peace, acceptance understanding joy and happiness.

Proceeds from
Inherited Rage by lone Heron
Www.amazon.com
will be directed to create funds to establish just such a farm as the one mentioned above. If you can help with this dream please contact us- let us know how you can help. otherwise ~ well taxes aren’t getting any cheaper and I don’t know about you but I would rather see the incarnated youth growing there own food, I think ploughing the field and mucking out the milking cows stall and collecting eggs is a better option than a 6×8 concrete cell like uncommon pound animal.
I would like to see them learning about life from mother nature and recovering to be a productive participant rather than another tax dollar on my aching wallet.

The murder of Jacob by MaryEllen Johnson can be found at http://www.pemndulumfoundation.com
under MaryEllen’s blog.