Archives for category: legal,

20130522-112650.jpg

Anniversary
By Lone Heron

It’s coming up on 28 years since that fateful june evening when I pulled the trigger and my parents passed into the spirit realm. I wonder if my mother were alive today would she have learned a different way and treat me nicer or would she be the same abusive control freak pushing me in just another cycle of unrealized continuance and projection.

I have forgiven her because I do believe that she really did have it in mind to do her best for me but she just didn’t understand how to go about getting that message across in another form of delivery or at least that’s what I choose to believe. It’s preferable to me to believe that way even if it is wrapped in pieces of denial- I say that because to even begin to believe that is true, I have to forget about the times my mother yelled and screamed telling me how she hated me and never wanted me while pulling hair, slapping,’and hitting.

She may have been telling me her truth in that moment- not once did she ever apologize, but since she did have me,’she did at least make sure I was fed, clothed and got an education which has been the necessary ingredient for me to unravel my nightmare in order to be here writing you today.

It is easier for me to say she was sick as opposed to just plain mean. or at least, this is’what II choose to believe based on what I have learned is true-
Let me explain-
The liver is the organ that generates frustration, irritability,
argumentativeness, anger and rage. According to he five element theory the liver operates at it’s peak between one and three am in the morning, and you should be asleep by 11pm for the liver to do it’s job properly- was my mothers liver further irritated because she worked mid-crew shift and was never in bed asleep when her liver would have been at it’s peak function time?
I know blood sugar which is affected by how well the liver converts sugars to glycogen can also create anger issues in people- I know personally about this one due to my own blood sugars imbalance which now seems to reside at an appropriate number 99-100.
Bringing my blood sugar back into balance with food and exercise greatly reduced my anger levels- note I said reduced, not eliminate, but I think you get the picture – and that is one piece of many that moved me from a place of hating my parents to a place of appreciating them and giving thanks for what they did provide. It does not make what they did right- but it does make it more understandable and therefore easier to forgive.
Especially when you bring alcohol into the parricide equation.
For parents who already have stress and they seek consolation through alcohol which then warps the entire picture even more by warping the individual mind, body and soul while aggravating the already stressed liver into overdrive thereby increasing the rage- and the kids
know it’s time to disappear if at all possible.

Once upon a time alcohol was called spirits and it was said that it weakens the individuals consciousness to the point that negative entities could step in and direct the body as the temporary designated driver….so to speak – is that what happens when a person gets so drunk they are unconscious of their actions even though they are still being active?

I wonder what Jacob Ind and others think of their parents- I wonder if they have forgiveness for them. I wonder have they thought things out as I have or have they gone a different route in their minds. Perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to speak directly to other parricide survivors about the nightmare we have experienced. I have had the opportunity to communicate with two other parricide victims via mail and telephone, one is now free the other is still incarcerated.
I believe the individual growth has been limited and stunted due to the system of incarceration that controls the other side of such events.

I have been blessed with many opportunities that those like Jacob ind will never have the experience of. Jacob has lost twenty years of his life for defending it. How would you feel if you were celebrating your umpteenth anniversary locked in a cage because you wanted to live free of harm, free of pain and you were pressed so deeply into a corner that your most primal instincts, kill or be killed were engaged and like a puppet you play the part unable to stop any event in the long chain of events that led to the moment in time where all thoughts of right and wrong roll back in your head like a sharks eye appears to do in a feeding frenzy.

The shrinks and counselors, judges and lawyers, and general society gather around to analyze it.
Gotta blame someone so it’s the kid that takes the heat cause the parents are dead. And society in its limited capacity to understand that which it has not experienced and then don’t understand why the kids do not acquiesce – inspection and analyzation are major pieces in the role played by parricide parents. So when the officials get involved after the fact well most times It’s just another form of hypocrisy. Another know it all thinking they know how to fix it. I propose they are not truly interested in fixing it because if they really were someone would have knocked on my door by now and said “hey – you own you committed this “crime” side stepped long term incarceration,have not regressed but instead progressed, have never killed again after 28 years? How did you do it? What suggestions from having come through this experience would you offer those of us on the outside trying to help rehabilitate and understand it? But no no one wants to hear my thoughts on healing these atrocities. They want to grab and run just like parricide parents. Eventually, they, like parricide parents and all other bullies in all walks of life, will meet the one,that even if only for a moment is bigger than them and then finally they will perhaps begin to understand, they too, are part of the problem that blocks and interferes with the natural course of healing.

My childhood prepared me for life in manny ways better than those who had the perfect leave it to beaver childhood. It made me strong and motivated me to do better. For many years I beat myself after all I was a murderer. But I am not. If I were a murderer as opposed to a survivor I can think of at least 3 other people who are still alive and kicking that would be six feet under somewhere.

With each passing year I feel more connection and gratitude for my parents. As awful as they were they could have been worse and they did create a survivor in me, or maybe I already was, they were just the ones to help me to learn about tat aspect of myself. I have no doubt that I will meet them on the other side of my death bed whenever that day arrives I will be looking forward to new levels of communication that could never be achieved here on this side of life.

Where once upon a time I ranted, raved, cried and even for a period denounced God trying to understand what I had done wrong to deserve this life- now I have come full circle and thank God for putting me through the strengthening fires of negativity. I am stronger for it due to the healing path I have followed. I hope the same is true of my parricide brothers and sisters who have fallen into incarceration. I hope they can with time, find value in the path they have traveled as have I.

Thank you for reading my post.
Questions &and and comments can be directed
To loneheron@Gmail.com
Inherited rage is my story which is frighteningly similar to other parricide events.
Inherited rage by: Lone Heron
can be found at http://www.amazon.com

Advertisements

Which would you choose: Cock, Snake &; Dog or Prison for life?
By: Lone Heron
Author: Inherited Rage http://www.amazon.com
Www.survivingrage.wordress.com

Google it if you don’t believe me, Worst roman punishment- applicable to parricide- the kid killed the parents and the authorities of the day then took a rooster, a dog and a poisonous snake along with the child who committed the crime of parricide- put them in a sack – tied the opening shut and throw them all in the river! Talk about case closed, that would do it, or at least that was the end of that one particular case. But what about the hundreds of thousands of kids who would commit this same crime of self defense down the lines of history and evolution? What about the ones that our society has sentenced?

I personally do not believe the crime of parricide deserves any punishment. These kids paid for their “crime” long before the idea to kill ever came into their consciousness. These kids are not criminals- they do not attack people out of the blue and should not be compared to a kid who is in jail for a drive by shooting on a complete stranger. A parricide child’s defense of himself should no more be considered a crime than the 83 year old who shot an intruder in the dark.

I do believe these kids should be given therapy and sent to school and protected from falling into the realms of education by those who pursue criminal activity because everyone else they know is and its “cool” not because someone who has repeatedly hurt them finally got a well deserved dose of their own! Yes I am opinionated about this particular subject because I have lived it and in this case I happen to believe I probably know more about parricide than 95% of anybody. Now I may not know the laws like Paul Mones, I may not know the psychology like dr Heidii but I know what it takes to heal from these events and I know that these events do not occur because parricide kids are “bad” I know this because I am a parricide kid all grown up into a productive, valued and appreciated adult member of society. I know more about parricide than you can ever learn from a book or a theory or a study because I lived it and I can tell you it’s not the child you should fear, but rather what you teach the child. What you give is what you will get. I would guess most parricide children are indigos (you can google indigo children to learn more). Indigos are excellent mirrors- and they are also very sensitive. They are agents of change.

We need change in this world. We need education instead of argumentation, we need education instead of medication but we won’t receive these things until we choose them. Until that time we will continue to struggle with these same negative elements in society. We need cooperation, understanding and patience to turn our ships around. We need a desire to do better in order to get better and we must get involved however we can, there is plenty to do and everyone can do something.

You can throw the “problem” in a bag or lock it up in a cell but it won’t stop the event from happening again if you just keep on living like you always have. It took the events of parricide
And untold hours of healing time for me to come to this stage. Each step I made was a choice sometimes conscious and others totally directed by subconsciousness. We are all the same and only when we change ourselves from within will the reflection the world gives back change.

Fighting only brings more fighting. Imprisonment only brings more imprisonment, not just for those imprisoned but most especially for those who are paying for the imprisonment of others. Whatever you do to another you do to yourself. We often don’t think about things like that but it is true, it is not always either immediate or literal but it is always true with a twist we often cannot foresee.

I think a lot – many tell me I think to much- but we were given a brain for a reason- and it has been through thinking and education more than anything else that has fed my quest in finding peace within me. The more ok I become with me the more powerful I become at attracting good things in my life. The more I focus on those the better I do. I bring good things by doing good things and by not agreeing to let others do bad things to me and that includes hitting me or putting me at risk or degrading me verbally. We all choose or we choose not to make a choice and then someone else will choose for us. So I will continue to think about things like “justice” and ”
judgement” and I will continue to agree to disagree as I use my thoughts to sail me deeper and deeper into a state of satisfaction and contentment.

Thoughts are important- they are the beginning of every path created,
So….
THINK GOOD THOUGHTS
~ words become actions ~ actions become habits
~habits become character ~ character becomes destiny.

So no matter if you end up in the ditch in the cold mud or
On a sunny hill under the dappled shade of a great oak
You took yourself there by the choices you made first and
foremost in the thoughts you thought whether you were consciously aware or not.

As a society we passed judgement (1st strike)
And said “the wrongdoers must be punished” (2nd strike)
“let’s incarcerate them , then we will be safe” (3rd strike)
the worst of all is the lie we told ourselves (we will be safe),
We tricked ourselves and we are not safe- because now we have to work twice as hard
And the problem continues to occur while the debts continue to rise.

Perhaps one day we will learn to communicate & educate instead of fight and control
Until then well I would have to say the roman version was much more efficient and
If I had a to make the choice ~ prison or snake, dog, rooster – I personally would
sign up for the river ride with the critters. It would be a short ride.

Bullies
By: lone Heron

Have you ever noticed how bullies often seem to be angry people and they seem to like to pick on the underdogs until eventually one of two things happens either the underdog disappears or they explode and conquer the bully. If the underdog can avoid the bully he will but if he can’t, he gets his ass kicked til he figures how to fight back which is often just pure survival instinct.

Parricide kids grow up with bullies- I believe that bullies are produced because somewhere along the way they made a choice: stop being the underdog and become the bully. The hardass. The dominant being- having played both roles I can tell you neither is truly enjoyable but if there are only two choices I will dominate before I surrender to anothers domination. My preference however would be to operate on a level of communication and cooperation. Unfortunately not all others know how or are willing to interact on that level. For those people who I meet in life that want to dominate me I findI really only have two options:
1- find a way to stay away from them
2-be more powerful than they thus turning the table of domination back on them.

My first choice would be to move away – to put distance between, but what do you do when you cant distance yourself from the bully who continues to hurt you each time worse than the one before? What do you do when you try to get help and no one listens? What do you do when you are staring death in the face and know he’s coming for you if something does not change-
What do you do when the bully is on top of you, choking you and all you know is fear?

I think most of us would fight for our lives and that is ok as long as we don’t have to kill another to live? What part of a slow painful miserable death brought on by a long term bully masquerading as a parent does the legal system not get? Do the judges who sentence these individuals quietly carry quilt for some of the same issues from somewhere in their past? I do hope those judges who sentence do not have to live the parricide experience in their next life because of all of those they effectively bullied in this life by giving prison sentences to those who defended themselves.

I find It interesting, generally it seems the greater the external bully the greater the internal coward. I know when I stood facing my mother with the gun pointed at her for a moment her bully side completely disappeared and before me no longer stood the mighty controller who had ruled over me my entire life but a small frail coward – she raised her hands as if to stop me just as I had every time she hit me- but just like her I was no longer listening- my pain thresh-hold had exceeded it’s limit and I had no sense of rational reasonable thought, sympathy, empathy or even anger- just a sense of numb completion over shifting from bullied to bully. I wonder, what do those judges who sentence parricide victims to prison feel? I wonder, if those judges suddenly found themselves in the shoes of a parricide child in front of a society elected bully passing judgement if they too would freeze up in the spotlight.

The golden rule seems forgotten way to often, especially by so many who have been placed in positions of power by others. It’s very simple: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
It seems to me the root of so many of our problems stem from this If we spent a little more energy on looking out for one another instead of competing with one another, we would not have half the problems we do.

Consider how you can contribute, lend a helping hand – even if you think someone is just the biggest jerk in the world, it’s amazing how a kind hand, a warm smile, a thoughtful gesture can turn even the greatest bullies heart. I believe bullies are simply people who have not been treated nice and so sadly the only thing they have to share is what they know- what would the world look like if bullies could learn a different way? I believe it is possible to change and grow but it will take everyone stepping forward in themselves and striving to be a better human. It will require that hearts open and shields drop. It will require for us to love one another instead of bully one another. It seems so simple and yet we just can’t seem to master it.

What will it take to forgive one another? What will it take to stop the very violent patterns that course through our very blood? Violence only begets more violence and education is expensive but the cost of our stubborn ignorance is three times as high. Making more laws changes nothing, incarceration changes very little but education has the power to change everything.
So take a moment and try something new. Move away from the insanity of doing the same things over and over hoping for different results that will never come.

Throwaway children in a throwaway society.
By Lone Heron

It seems we create a lot of “trash” from people to plastic bottles- we are a discarding society- There seems to be a wasteful mentality that has now grown till the point that it stands ready to devour the discarders themselves.

I wonder, do people hold anything sacred anymore?
Do we appreciate how good we have it? Those from the great depression hold onto everything while their offspring throw it away as fast as they can-

I have heard it said, people cannot appreciate anything they have not earned. I believe there is truth in that, as often people give me things I do not want and I pass them along to others only to wish much later I had held onto that thing that was previously of no value – but I could sure use now.

What will we do as a society when all the people we have thrown away in jail because we did not know what else to do with these individuals who strike fear in our hearts from the actions they took become a burden we can no longer carry?

When will we realize that although they may or may not have been the one to actually commit the crime we all played a part in it- some passively others actively- but we are all guilty- the law agrees with if you were there when the act occurred automatically you are an accomplice wether it’s true or not is not the point – the point is they are doing their job based on what society called for- but most people were thinking mass murders and thieves for crooked reasons not murder for self defense- No, to the law,murder is murder – it is only separated by small degrees of intensity on what kind of murder but no where is there a category of sentencing on murder for self defense -is there? No, that’s just self defense not murder.
How can we blame a kid who is 11,13,15,16,17 even18 years old who put an end to something we as adults would not have tolerated for a day or a week much less decades?

How can we condemn these kids when we know the truth? When we condemn them are we not also condemning ourselves?
If someone is so bad that they must be locked up for life and we must support their incarceration I figure that makes us just as quietly guilty otherwise why would we be willing to work so hard to support something which is a drain to all?

Have we lost so much feeling and resourcefulness to grow that we must penalize those who are doing nothing but trying to survive? Are we so heartless that we will not give a second chance because our fear refuses such opportunity? It might seem so depending on where you look but that is not necessarily the truth either.

Truth is a hard subject – it looks different for everyone- Truth is relative but often ignored-
Punishment delivered by others is never as just as what our subconscious would deliver.
I say this because of my own experience which I have shared in Inherited Rage.
I would really like to hear opinions from others- I would like to know if other people think I would have suffered more in jail- would jail have made me a more moral person? A better citizen? I don’t think so- I think if I had of gone to jail the only difference is the taxpayers would have had to pay my bill. I don’t think I would have the same drive to make amends- and I am pretty sure I would not have near as much to contribute.
I took two lives in defense of my own- my guilt has driven me to give more life back than I ever took – tell me do the majority of the prisoners feel that way?
I don’t know but I would like to know.

Had I trusted those who were sent to help me and told the truth -they would not have helped me- they would have thrown me in the trash and sent the bill to the citizen in taxes and it would have changed nothing. As it was I took a higher path of my own accord and I help pay uncle SAMs bill every year right along with everyone else but I am tired of uncle Sam spending my money and achieving lil or nothing except more debt, more heartache and more empty promises – but I know I can’t even blame the government because the government is controlled indirectly and directly by puppets representing the masses – puppets caught between the higher ups and the lower downs. I ask you why do we need these puppets?

Nothing will change until we change as individuals. Nothing will change until we take out our own trash and face the mountain we have created. I say the worst thing about politicians is not politicians, it’s the people who have elected them to do something with the trash the people have created because they don’t want to get their own hands dirty.

My answer of resolution is get a pair of gloves and get involved. I would like to know what is your plan? I would like to know how we can work together to help everyone- So many look to the government and the government looks to the people- when will we stop rubbernecking while we drive by doing nothing? When will we rise up and pitch in and quit waiting on others to do it for us? When will we become thinkers and doers instead of a nation of watchers? The event of parricide I would gamble to say would never happen if communities would stand up against those who they know are committing such heinous acts. Our ancestors conquered America; we stole it from the Indians- We fought unimaginable things and survived but did we win our freedom simply to turn around and enslave ourselves? Did we win our freedom at the loss of our heart and soul? Did we win our freedom at the expense of others and now karma is serving us up a dose of our own?

That’s how it seems to me. I am not willing to surrender to that demise and I wonder who of you out there is with me? Who is willing to stand and speak and ask not for another slice of pie but instead demand an entirely different kind of pie? Come my fellow countrymen and stand in unison with me- together we can change everything for the better but we must do it collectively Let us rally together and resolve our issues in a chorus so loud that the government officials we have elected can not deny us the one thing we all deserve freedom- and that should include freedom to fight for our lives without penalty even if that means death. Note I did not say murder I said fight for our lives- there is a difference!

Self Defense can look like Murder
By: Lone Heron

Having experienced parricide personally I can tell you – it is a situation of
self defense and even though the events of parricide commonly happen when
the parents are not expecting it and the courts deem them guilty because the
threat was not “imminent” what many don’t seem to understand is when the
events that lead to parricide have been continuing over such a long period of time-
they are imminent! When the nightmare continues to happen and just gets
worse and worse and you know it’s going to happen again that makes it
imminent!

If another country is going to attack us and we know it’s coming it’s ok in
military maneuvers to get the jump and attack first but it’s not ok in a
home where you have grown up under a parent who rules the home like a Nazi
concentration camp? It’s not ok to be in a state of shell shock; that’s the WWI term
for post traumatic stress disorder and fight for your life syndrome. This condition has been
filed under many names throughout history. It is nothing new, but it will never be less awful.

We want to believe that the only one’s who have experienced this are those
who have gone to war- it is impossible for outsiders, even friends and family
to see what truly goes on in parricide situations, just like it took forever
to see what the Nazis were doing. People: you weren’t there, you are not
God, you don’t know and you will never truly understand until you experience
it personally, which I pray you never do but sadly I believe eventually many of
you will because that seems to be what happens to those who pass judgements
on things they don’t know- fate seems to lead them to the experience so they can know.

I personally would absolutely love to see those judges who sentence
parricide children to prison experience one week with my mother as she was
at her peak- I would bet money within one measly week they would start to
think a different way and I wouldn’t give even a year before either the
judge or my mom would be dead.

I will personally challenge anyone who says parricide kids are wrong for
their actions with one question- if you had someone doing things to you like
the Kermodes ( you can read about them in the murder of Jacob,
By: Maryellen Johnson From http://www.pendulumfoundation.com)
do you honestly think you would deserve prison for
saving yourself? I killed my parents when I was 18 in an ultimate act of self defense-
I did not serve a life sentence. – I paid my dues another way you can
read about it – “Inherited Rage” by Lone Heron – Www.amazon.com

Second Chances
By: Lone Heron

I believe in second chances. I have to. I believe things happen sometimes that escalate so dramatically out of control we can only be left spinning, seeking the ground for security, both metaphorically as well as literally. If you have ever been caught up in one of these energetic whirlwinds you know how easy it is to get locked in and not be able to change the course. Strapped into a chain of events that are bound to break eventually. All chains have the potential to break if they come up against something stronger, and there is always something stronger than the weakest link, which always contains fear.

Fear of pain, fear of incarceration, fear of loneliness, fear of acceptance, fear of commitment, of water, of spiders, of life or death, of dogs and snakes, responsibility, the government, the boss, the mom , dad, husband or wife, or simply the state of modern society, ….fear is different for different people. Fear is the strongest of all the motivating movement oriented emotions, Fear drives anger with such power it completely hides itself behind the battering ram of rage that defends and kills. No more pain, no more spiders.

The subconscious mind is secretive, powerful and patient. It sits quietly waiting to fill our every wish. Diligently recording notes from every random thought generated by our daily conscious experiences. Attracting more experiences led by the choices we consciously and unconsciously make.

I think when the extreme thing has happened like parricide or random unexpected public shootings, these events have been mixed like a bad soup from societies mental menus of subconscious control and idea delivery: movies, books, media, role models exemplifying a variety of opinions and thoughts that any unacknowledged student can pick up and assimilate in ways that were not intended. Meth is a perfect example, as is parricide, as are random shootings.

I do believe in second chances but without education, specifically, emotional education, mentors, corrective guidance and doors opening to pursue that second chance on a different path in conjunction with a strong determination to do better from the individual, it simply won’t work. You can’t take an offender of any crime and expect him to do differently in the same set of situations. That is basically the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Most people get into trouble because they find themselves at a dead end where they can see no other way. It doesn’t matter if that is the truth or not- it’s the only truth they can see. We are ultimately forward moving beings. We have moved so fast we have set our own trap and we ALL play a part- one way or another in the successes of second chances.

I know second chances can work, I am a successful second chance story. You can find my story: Inherited Rage By: Lone Heron at http://www.amazon.com