Archives for category: jjustice, self help,

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Anniversary
By Lone Heron

It’s coming up on 28 years since that fateful june evening when I pulled the trigger and my parents passed into the spirit realm. I wonder if my mother were alive today would she have learned a different way and treat me nicer or would she be the same abusive control freak pushing me in just another cycle of unrealized continuance and projection.

I have forgiven her because I do believe that she really did have it in mind to do her best for me but she just didn’t understand how to go about getting that message across in another form of delivery or at least that’s what I choose to believe. It’s preferable to me to believe that way even if it is wrapped in pieces of denial- I say that because to even begin to believe that is true, I have to forget about the times my mother yelled and screamed telling me how she hated me and never wanted me while pulling hair, slapping,’and hitting.

She may have been telling me her truth in that moment- not once did she ever apologize, but since she did have me,’she did at least make sure I was fed, clothed and got an education which has been the necessary ingredient for me to unravel my nightmare in order to be here writing you today.

It is easier for me to say she was sick as opposed to just plain mean. or at least, this is’what II choose to believe based on what I have learned is true-
Let me explain-
The liver is the organ that generates frustration, irritability,
argumentativeness, anger and rage. According to he five element theory the liver operates at it’s peak between one and three am in the morning, and you should be asleep by 11pm for the liver to do it’s job properly- was my mothers liver further irritated because she worked mid-crew shift and was never in bed asleep when her liver would have been at it’s peak function time?
I know blood sugar which is affected by how well the liver converts sugars to glycogen can also create anger issues in people- I know personally about this one due to my own blood sugars imbalance which now seems to reside at an appropriate number 99-100.
Bringing my blood sugar back into balance with food and exercise greatly reduced my anger levels- note I said reduced, not eliminate, but I think you get the picture – and that is one piece of many that moved me from a place of hating my parents to a place of appreciating them and giving thanks for what they did provide. It does not make what they did right- but it does make it more understandable and therefore easier to forgive.
Especially when you bring alcohol into the parricide equation.
For parents who already have stress and they seek consolation through alcohol which then warps the entire picture even more by warping the individual mind, body and soul while aggravating the already stressed liver into overdrive thereby increasing the rage- and the kids
know it’s time to disappear if at all possible.

Once upon a time alcohol was called spirits and it was said that it weakens the individuals consciousness to the point that negative entities could step in and direct the body as the temporary designated driver….so to speak – is that what happens when a person gets so drunk they are unconscious of their actions even though they are still being active?

I wonder what Jacob Ind and others think of their parents- I wonder if they have forgiveness for them. I wonder have they thought things out as I have or have they gone a different route in their minds. Perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to speak directly to other parricide survivors about the nightmare we have experienced. I have had the opportunity to communicate with two other parricide victims via mail and telephone, one is now free the other is still incarcerated.
I believe the individual growth has been limited and stunted due to the system of incarceration that controls the other side of such events.

I have been blessed with many opportunities that those like Jacob ind will never have the experience of. Jacob has lost twenty years of his life for defending it. How would you feel if you were celebrating your umpteenth anniversary locked in a cage because you wanted to live free of harm, free of pain and you were pressed so deeply into a corner that your most primal instincts, kill or be killed were engaged and like a puppet you play the part unable to stop any event in the long chain of events that led to the moment in time where all thoughts of right and wrong roll back in your head like a sharks eye appears to do in a feeding frenzy.

The shrinks and counselors, judges and lawyers, and general society gather around to analyze it.
Gotta blame someone so it’s the kid that takes the heat cause the parents are dead. And society in its limited capacity to understand that which it has not experienced and then don’t understand why the kids do not acquiesce – inspection and analyzation are major pieces in the role played by parricide parents. So when the officials get involved after the fact well most times It’s just another form of hypocrisy. Another know it all thinking they know how to fix it. I propose they are not truly interested in fixing it because if they really were someone would have knocked on my door by now and said “hey – you own you committed this “crime” side stepped long term incarceration,have not regressed but instead progressed, have never killed again after 28 years? How did you do it? What suggestions from having come through this experience would you offer those of us on the outside trying to help rehabilitate and understand it? But no no one wants to hear my thoughts on healing these atrocities. They want to grab and run just like parricide parents. Eventually, they, like parricide parents and all other bullies in all walks of life, will meet the one,that even if only for a moment is bigger than them and then finally they will perhaps begin to understand, they too, are part of the problem that blocks and interferes with the natural course of healing.

My childhood prepared me for life in manny ways better than those who had the perfect leave it to beaver childhood. It made me strong and motivated me to do better. For many years I beat myself after all I was a murderer. But I am not. If I were a murderer as opposed to a survivor I can think of at least 3 other people who are still alive and kicking that would be six feet under somewhere.

With each passing year I feel more connection and gratitude for my parents. As awful as they were they could have been worse and they did create a survivor in me, or maybe I already was, they were just the ones to help me to learn about tat aspect of myself. I have no doubt that I will meet them on the other side of my death bed whenever that day arrives I will be looking forward to new levels of communication that could never be achieved here on this side of life.

Where once upon a time I ranted, raved, cried and even for a period denounced God trying to understand what I had done wrong to deserve this life- now I have come full circle and thank God for putting me through the strengthening fires of negativity. I am stronger for it due to the healing path I have followed. I hope the same is true of my parricide brothers and sisters who have fallen into incarceration. I hope they can with time, find value in the path they have traveled as have I.

Thank you for reading my post.
Questions &and and comments can be directed
To loneheron@Gmail.com
Inherited rage is my story which is frighteningly similar to other parricide events.
Inherited rage by: Lone Heron
can be found at http://www.amazon.com

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Learning how to feel
By: lone Heron
Author of Inherited Rage -available at amazon.com

Learning how to communicate requires learning how to listen.

Learning how to truly listen
Requires learning how to feel.
How many can truly honestly say how they feel?
How do you feel today?

If you don’t feel good are you ignoring it just to get through the day? That’s what happens to children of parricide. They have to ignore their feelings just to survive. After years of this practice they become numb just like after listening to loud noises over time causes one to lose hearing. Ignoring how we feel causes a lack of feelings. Most of us have a choice but the child of parricide has no more of a choice about his feelings than the soldier who fights with heavy artillery has a choice about his hearing- even ear protection will not completely protect from the damage being done.

When we don’t have the compassion or the feeling to lift a finger to aide another in assistance when they are asking for it what gives us the right to judge them after they take care of the problem themselves? A good majority of our good Christian citizens who tell us we shouldn’t judge will be the first ones to turn on the evening news and make decisions they lack the information to honestly make. Looks like Judgement in my mind. The very Christians that turned a blind eye unwilling to help were the same damn busy bodies that visited me in jail wanting to help- but then it was tooooooo late. God will save you they said- to which I think if god worked those good Christians would have intervened but they did not because they only quoted what the bible said about God- that same program they were taught did not work at my house. They could not conceive much less understand and so they judged and to this day many still do. It is a very sad situation, ignorance and fear breed segregation that is based upon emotional intelligence which relates to how we feel that the majority never even acknowledge.

We are told at various points how we are not to feel- but how are we supposed to feel?
And what do we do with those feelings that gnaw away and turn us into less than what we were meant to be. what are we supposed to do with those feelings we don’t want to feel? I don’t believe it was meant for us to go around feeling like we weren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough whatever enough….. But these were the things we learned from a society that doesn’t want to communicate and build but rather a society that needs to tear something down to make an some other individual feel better. What happened to focusing on the subject at hand and dealing with it instead of sweeping it under the rug where it could grow into a monster.
What happened to agreeing to disagree- what happened to the idea of reciprocation? What happened to the idea: If you scratch my back I will scratch yours and everybody can be itch free.

I have helped many and i believe i was able to do so because I learned to help myself first. No one else seemed to be able to hear or wanted to hear what I was saying and therefore they couldn’t help me, but boy did they judge me for helping myself! I believe the ones who were the angriest were also feeling the guiltiest because they didn’t do anything to change the course of anything. Those who stand by and watch the crime occur while doing nothing are as guilty as the ones doing wrong in my opinion. They are approving the action by not defying it. Until our society realizes how they assist in the creation of the crime committed by the criminal we will not resolve our problems. We cannot do this until we learn how to feel. We can not do this until we become more compassionate and accepting of how others feel, and yet the idea of emotional education is very foreign to most of us. We rarely stop and consider how we feel unless something in our body actually hurts, if we were to learn to reflect upon how we feel I am thinking many of our physical as well as emotional and mental issues would automatically dissolve simply because as we started to hone in on how we felt we would also hone in on those lil things that build into big things and stop them before they became crises or monsters.

Inherited Rage Progress report for 2012

2012 Inherited Rage became available to the general public via Amazon.com
Attention was drawn to inherited rage through blogs put out here and through
The pendulum foundation via Mary Ellen Johnson. Mentions were made by
Dan Daily in his blogs. Not much else was Done.
Inherited rage made approximately 500$ profit it’s first year on amazon.
300 dollars of that money was paid to the company hired to get it up on the net
The remaining 200 dollars has been sent and received by Dan daily to install a water pump on the property at Estrella vista. Dan holds open doors on his property for parricide kids to have a place to come home to once they are released from incarceration and are trying to find their place to live free of violence in a violent world- it is a difficult chore.

I am thrilled with the responses I have received from readers – only one in a year had a negative commentary- you can find that one one star review on amazon.com next to all the five star reviews. And for the record- all of those reviews are from different people -some I know, but more I don’t.
I wrote Inherited Rage with the intention that my story, as dreadful as it is, would help others
I know it is serving its purpose due to the readers response and I am thrilled that it has accumulated enough funds to make a difference for someone else.

If you have read Inherited Rage and have not, please post a review on Amazon – good or bad-
All are beneficial.
To my readers thank you for your support to help raise awareness on
The issues we all face with abuse in our society.

Below you will find a copy from Amazon reports for IR,

Sold
Borrowed
Royalty
Feb
2
4.08
March
7
1
16.46
April
18
1
39.2
May
13
8
44.58
June
13
44.72
July
17
58.48
August
15
51.6
September
24
96.8
October
20
125
November
11
68.75
December
2
12.5
January
7
43.75
February
7
43.75
March
15

?

171
649.67

For a period of 1 year, 171 copies of IR sold and collected 649.67 in royalties.

Sweat Equity
By: Lone Heron
I threw the television out ages ago and my home became nstantaneously more pleasant and peaceful. However, I still have the Internet and when I look on there and allow the world and the events occurring in the realm of politics to enter my mindframe it makes me want to scream, turn off the machine and run for the hills.

All the woe is me – the argumentation-
The power plays and the struggles that keep people trapped in situations where they don’t want to be in is endless. The problem has not changed in nover two hundred years- probably not since the beginning of time when we were still the land of Pan. It is quite simple really, when you boil it all down it is the same enduring war between the haves and the have nots that has gone on from the beginning of time and will no doubtedly continue until this planet is no more.

Many of us tend to forget that our focus is fertilizer and whatever we focus on in life is what will grow. If we all keep our focus on positive things and get on with our chores things would work out with out all this crap- Half or more of the people I read about are the problem -they sit on their asses looking for a handout, looking for someone to save them when the only person that can save themselves is them. When we help ourselves, others want to help us- when we bash ourselves (mentally, verbally, emotionally or physical), others will also do this in the most amazing innocuous ways. Monkey see – Monkey do!

Many forget,’this country was built on more than anything else -‘courage, sweat equity and good old survival of the fittest. The fittest did not whine moan and groan,’they asked “what’s it gonna take?”, and put their backs into it. They took full and complete responsibility for themselves. They didn’t look for big brother or uncle sam, God Almighty, Jesus, Buddha or anyone else to bail them out.

No-they got up everyday and went out in horrid weather with no warm shower and no electricity to brew the coffee to start their day. They made make mention of the realities they faced but they did not complain. They pulled their bootstraps up and got their hands dirty getting on with the doing of things that needed to be done.

We should all do the same if for no other reason than to simply acknowledge and give thankful gratitude to our elders who paved the way for us to be here today with bootstraps to pull up.

All to many times I here people say “oh I don’t want to do that”. Well get over it life doesn’t get lived by keeping your hands clean and callous free. The rest of us who have pulled up our bootstraps don’t want to be your mama or your daddy! No we want you to get off your ass and join u’s to make a better world- not stand in line for a handout.

Everybody can do something to improve-
…..Find your something……
AND DO IT!

Lone Heron, Author of Inherited Rage can be found at amazon.com

Home

By: Lone Heron

The word conjures up images for most of us.

For those children who were lucky enough to land in the Leave it to Beaver families home brings to mind loving supportive parents, apple pies, perhaps a beloved family pet, a childhood friend or activity- always with smiles and hugs.

But for the parricide child it brings a different set of memories. They are generally as dark as the Beavers were light.

My how the world has changed. Did parricide, the killing of one’s parents, occur in the 50’s? I bet it did since it’s been occurring since the beginning of time just like everything else.

Until the past 20-30 years though parricide has remained swept carefully under the family rug. Now that dirt has leaked out onto the internet, we’re told we have a national average of 300 kids per year. And yet they say incidents are actually declining- I wonder how can they be sure? I wonder how many are out there just like me who by the grace of GOD slipped through the cracks of the legal system.

Parents speak to your kids about abuse – look out for the Jacobs and those like him whose only crime was defending their own life.

And for the judges and prosecutors of our courts: when you have been living in this situation and you know it’s going to happen again and each time is worse. Knowing it’s coming IS IMMINENT! So you are going to have to change your definition of first-degree murder. And consider these killings are acts of self-defense which may look like murder but its not quite the same.

It seems that its ok for our military in war but not for a child left behind in familial war.

Hypocrisy I say.

Inherited Rage by Lone Heron can be purchased at http://www.amazon.com

“The murder of Jacob”by Maryellen Johnson can be found at http://www.pendulumfoundation

Which would you choose: Cock, Snake &; Dog or Prison for life?
By: Lone Heron
Author: Inherited Rage http://www.amazon.com
Www.survivingrage.wordress.com

Google it if you don’t believe me, Worst roman punishment- applicable to parricide- the kid killed the parents and the authorities of the day then took a rooster, a dog and a poisonous snake along with the child who committed the crime of parricide- put them in a sack – tied the opening shut and throw them all in the river! Talk about case closed, that would do it, or at least that was the end of that one particular case. But what about the hundreds of thousands of kids who would commit this same crime of self defense down the lines of history and evolution? What about the ones that our society has sentenced?

I personally do not believe the crime of parricide deserves any punishment. These kids paid for their “crime” long before the idea to kill ever came into their consciousness. These kids are not criminals- they do not attack people out of the blue and should not be compared to a kid who is in jail for a drive by shooting on a complete stranger. A parricide child’s defense of himself should no more be considered a crime than the 83 year old who shot an intruder in the dark.

I do believe these kids should be given therapy and sent to school and protected from falling into the realms of education by those who pursue criminal activity because everyone else they know is and its “cool” not because someone who has repeatedly hurt them finally got a well deserved dose of their own! Yes I am opinionated about this particular subject because I have lived it and in this case I happen to believe I probably know more about parricide than 95% of anybody. Now I may not know the laws like Paul Mones, I may not know the psychology like dr Heidii but I know what it takes to heal from these events and I know that these events do not occur because parricide kids are “bad” I know this because I am a parricide kid all grown up into a productive, valued and appreciated adult member of society. I know more about parricide than you can ever learn from a book or a theory or a study because I lived it and I can tell you it’s not the child you should fear, but rather what you teach the child. What you give is what you will get. I would guess most parricide children are indigos (you can google indigo children to learn more). Indigos are excellent mirrors- and they are also very sensitive. They are agents of change.

We need change in this world. We need education instead of argumentation, we need education instead of medication but we won’t receive these things until we choose them. Until that time we will continue to struggle with these same negative elements in society. We need cooperation, understanding and patience to turn our ships around. We need a desire to do better in order to get better and we must get involved however we can, there is plenty to do and everyone can do something.

You can throw the “problem” in a bag or lock it up in a cell but it won’t stop the event from happening again if you just keep on living like you always have. It took the events of parricide
And untold hours of healing time for me to come to this stage. Each step I made was a choice sometimes conscious and others totally directed by subconsciousness. We are all the same and only when we change ourselves from within will the reflection the world gives back change.

Fighting only brings more fighting. Imprisonment only brings more imprisonment, not just for those imprisoned but most especially for those who are paying for the imprisonment of others. Whatever you do to another you do to yourself. We often don’t think about things like that but it is true, it is not always either immediate or literal but it is always true with a twist we often cannot foresee.

I think a lot – many tell me I think to much- but we were given a brain for a reason- and it has been through thinking and education more than anything else that has fed my quest in finding peace within me. The more ok I become with me the more powerful I become at attracting good things in my life. The more I focus on those the better I do. I bring good things by doing good things and by not agreeing to let others do bad things to me and that includes hitting me or putting me at risk or degrading me verbally. We all choose or we choose not to make a choice and then someone else will choose for us. So I will continue to think about things like “justice” and ”
judgement” and I will continue to agree to disagree as I use my thoughts to sail me deeper and deeper into a state of satisfaction and contentment.

Thoughts are important- they are the beginning of every path created,
So….
THINK GOOD THOUGHTS
~ words become actions ~ actions become habits
~habits become character ~ character becomes destiny.

So no matter if you end up in the ditch in the cold mud or
On a sunny hill under the dappled shade of a great oak
You took yourself there by the choices you made first and
foremost in the thoughts you thought whether you were consciously aware or not.

As a society we passed judgement (1st strike)
And said “the wrongdoers must be punished” (2nd strike)
“let’s incarcerate them , then we will be safe” (3rd strike)
the worst of all is the lie we told ourselves (we will be safe),
We tricked ourselves and we are not safe- because now we have to work twice as hard
And the problem continues to occur while the debts continue to rise.

Perhaps one day we will learn to communicate & educate instead of fight and control
Until then well I would have to say the roman version was much more efficient and
If I had a to make the choice ~ prison or snake, dog, rooster – I personally would
sign up for the river ride with the critters. It would be a short ride.

Bullies
By: lone Heron

Have you ever noticed how bullies often seem to be angry people and they seem to like to pick on the underdogs until eventually one of two things happens either the underdog disappears or they explode and conquer the bully. If the underdog can avoid the bully he will but if he can’t, he gets his ass kicked til he figures how to fight back which is often just pure survival instinct.

Parricide kids grow up with bullies- I believe that bullies are produced because somewhere along the way they made a choice: stop being the underdog and become the bully. The hardass. The dominant being- having played both roles I can tell you neither is truly enjoyable but if there are only two choices I will dominate before I surrender to anothers domination. My preference however would be to operate on a level of communication and cooperation. Unfortunately not all others know how or are willing to interact on that level. For those people who I meet in life that want to dominate me I findI really only have two options:
1- find a way to stay away from them
2-be more powerful than they thus turning the table of domination back on them.

My first choice would be to move away – to put distance between, but what do you do when you cant distance yourself from the bully who continues to hurt you each time worse than the one before? What do you do when you try to get help and no one listens? What do you do when you are staring death in the face and know he’s coming for you if something does not change-
What do you do when the bully is on top of you, choking you and all you know is fear?

I think most of us would fight for our lives and that is ok as long as we don’t have to kill another to live? What part of a slow painful miserable death brought on by a long term bully masquerading as a parent does the legal system not get? Do the judges who sentence these individuals quietly carry quilt for some of the same issues from somewhere in their past? I do hope those judges who sentence do not have to live the parricide experience in their next life because of all of those they effectively bullied in this life by giving prison sentences to those who defended themselves.

I find It interesting, generally it seems the greater the external bully the greater the internal coward. I know when I stood facing my mother with the gun pointed at her for a moment her bully side completely disappeared and before me no longer stood the mighty controller who had ruled over me my entire life but a small frail coward – she raised her hands as if to stop me just as I had every time she hit me- but just like her I was no longer listening- my pain thresh-hold had exceeded it’s limit and I had no sense of rational reasonable thought, sympathy, empathy or even anger- just a sense of numb completion over shifting from bullied to bully. I wonder, what do those judges who sentence parricide victims to prison feel? I wonder, if those judges suddenly found themselves in the shoes of a parricide child in front of a society elected bully passing judgement if they too would freeze up in the spotlight.

The golden rule seems forgotten way to often, especially by so many who have been placed in positions of power by others. It’s very simple: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
It seems to me the root of so many of our problems stem from this If we spent a little more energy on looking out for one another instead of competing with one another, we would not have half the problems we do.

Consider how you can contribute, lend a helping hand – even if you think someone is just the biggest jerk in the world, it’s amazing how a kind hand, a warm smile, a thoughtful gesture can turn even the greatest bullies heart. I believe bullies are simply people who have not been treated nice and so sadly the only thing they have to share is what they know- what would the world look like if bullies could learn a different way? I believe it is possible to change and grow but it will take everyone stepping forward in themselves and striving to be a better human. It will require that hearts open and shields drop. It will require for us to love one another instead of bully one another. It seems so simple and yet we just can’t seem to master it.

What will it take to forgive one another? What will it take to stop the very violent patterns that course through our very blood? Violence only begets more violence and education is expensive but the cost of our stubborn ignorance is three times as high. Making more laws changes nothing, incarceration changes very little but education has the power to change everything.
So take a moment and try something new. Move away from the insanity of doing the same things over and over hoping for different results that will never come.